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    The very first thing you will notice about me is that i am a FREAK. I am the person who just hates eveything and everyone around. The only thing i love is HATRED. I just love to HATE and to be HATED.

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    Bones and blood lie on the ground, Rotten limbs lie dead, Decapitated bodies found On my wall, your head!
    Modulistic terror, A vast sadistic feast, No emotion, Your flesh is all I need
    You have no choice of life or death My face you will not see, I'll rip your flesh 'till there's no breath, Dismembered destiny, As soon as life has left your corpse. I'll make you part of me

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August 24, 2008

People keep on coming and going in your life and very few of them become friends of yours. For me its a different thing, people come in my life and i start to think that they are my great friends.

Regarding freinds i have a philosophy in life. According to me people will fall under 2 categories, my friends and no one. I can do anythin for the first kind and will do nothing for others.

I dont think there is anything wrong with my philosophy, but there is something wrong with my thinking for sure. I start thinkin that the person who i consider as a great friend of mine will also have similar thinkin abt me. I always have some set of expectations defined from that person, and this is where my thinkin fails.

If i think about my friends and my gang (friends’ group) even from my school days and then college days and then those i made at my work place, i think i always had some respect among my friends. I always used to be famous, atleast for few, among my friends and if i had to say something everyone will listen to me. But, for the first time in my life i have felt just opposite of this. First time in my life i felt as being uninvited in a group that i thought to be my group, first time in my life i had a feeling that i am no one among my friends, first time i had a feelin that i m non-existent to many and first time i relaised what i have to say doesnt matter at all for many.

i always had a habit of being in limelight among my friends, but for the FIRST TIME that limelight has been shut down. Well, i know there is always the FIST TIME but i didnt want it that way. Either i am wrong in some ways or i just thought a group of people to be my friends who are not the way i expect my friends to be. Whatever it may be it is really for the FIRST TIME.


  • Comment by Naveen — August 24, 2008 @ 4:42 pm

    Well, I guess everyone thinks that way or most of us do. What we have to realise is that, In life what remains constant is change. With time things change, people change, situation changes, thinking changes and we - ourselfs change throughout what remains constant in all these is “change”. Change is something which is inevitable and when we reject to understand the change, we get hurt.

    The best way to live life is to take up things situation by situation and do not compare the past with present because tthat way you will never get anywhere.

    All relationships in life are like sand, the tighter you wanna hold the faster it will slip away and the same is true with friends. They come, they share, they care, they move one, they disappear and they stop caring , this is nothing to do with you this is how it will be for everyone and anyone! Never judge youself by what people say or do because the key to your heart and you mind is with you and you should be the one controling your cause.

    If you were uninvited in the group then dont feel bad about it but do pitty the one who did that as they surely missed out on something which you had in store!

  • Comment by Pratosh Dwivedi — August 25, 2008 @ 10:06 am

    I really dont know why we often stick to people when we know they dont even care ..

    I experienced the same in my college first year .. I loved a girl and to get in touch with her I had to enter her group … i felt all that u have written above, and maybe much more. But I had my priorities .. i had her in my mind, so i ignored everything else, & due to my persistence only I was able to earn her love in the end …& being an "important" part of the group too

    So, if u have any such priority (not necessarily tied to a girl), i think you should just stand your ground, things will def improve.

    If u dont have any such thing, then those people dont deserve to be with a person like you .. cauz they dont know wht they r missing .. just let them DUCK off and enjoy ur life … as u have always done ..

    BTW, I never knew u need people to be happy … it was u from whom i learnt how to be self contended and self involved .. and not give a s**t to wht people think …

  • Comment by freak — August 25, 2008 @ 12:45 pm

    i hope i knew it beforehand that i was uninvited and moreover i dont think any one really gives a fuck about what they have missed out on what i had for them.

    i know about who u r talkin abt but for me this is not just abt a girl. Its about the people who i used to think to be my freinds. Well, i do care about the girl, but the thing that has hurted me more is because of the people who i thought to be my freinds.
    and secondly, please dont censor anything on my blog, i love to have everything uncensored on my blog.

  • Comment by Mavin — August 25, 2008 @ 3:56 pm

    There is always a first time….

    I know how close you are to your friends & I know you can do anything for those who you call as your friends.

    May be something is wrong with your thinking, or possibly with the philosophy…but I think you have done your bit (& hence proved that you stick to your philosophy) by going into that group even though u knew you were uninvited. Its just that your so-called (Please dont argue if you disagree…its just my opinion) friends are too pusillanimous to discuss & sort the problems.

    Let them go.
    People meet when they need support. They become friends when someone supports them. They become good friends when they get support in worst phase of their lives. They forget when they dont need support. They ignore when you ask them for support.
    But they forget that HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.

    It's ok if they meet you, ask you for support or even if they forget you. But it’s definitely not ok if they ignore you.

    As Naveen has rightly mentioned the constant here is "change", which is what is missing in you. I believe this is the time for you to change (atleast your philosophy).

    I would suggest change your philosophy.

    People fall into 3 categories, your friends, not your friends & no one. You can do anything for the first kind, you will not do anything for the second & for other - who cares.

    BTW, this is the FIRST TIME I'm posting a comment on your blog [:)]

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