.: I am :.

    The very first thing you will notice about me is that i am a FREAK. I am the person who just hates eveything and everyone around. The only thing i love is HATRED. I just love to HATE and to be HATED.

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    Bones and blood lie on the ground, Rotten limbs lie dead, Decapitated bodies found On my wall, your head!
    Modulistic terror, A vast sadistic feast, No emotion, Your flesh is all I need
    You have no choice of life or death My face you will not see, I'll rip your flesh 'till there's no breath, Dismembered destiny, As soon as life has left your corpse. I'll make you part of me

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February 24, 2007

First impression is the last impression, this is what we get to hear all the times and this is what we are made to believe. But thanks to our Infy’s soft skills classes where we were once told that first impression is generally not the last impression. Just to add to it from my personal thinking or you can say my personal experience ‘our last impresssion is our last impression’.

It seems somewhat awkward to hear the phrase ‘Your last impression is your last impression’, but by it i just simply mean that you are always judged by the most recent act you did and your image is made like that. No one remembers whatever you did before that. But here again it matters.

If you used to do everything wrong before and this time you hit something right, nothing matters, your image will still be the same until you keep on repeating your good deeds and keep on proving yourself.

On the other hand, if you were the person who used to do right or good things and if you perform something terribly wrong this time, like if you hurt someone close to you with whom you were always good before, that person who is hurt will forget what good you used to do with him/her, the only thing he/she remembers is that you did wrong this time and your image will be casted as if you yourself are wrong and you can never do anything good or right. In this case the act what you just did will remain as your last act, as whatever you do now will not hold anymore and people will try to find flaws in you again and again to blame you, to prove that you are wrong and to prove that you are just like this only. And this will remain as your last impresssion, if not forever, then atleast for a long time.

Well the only case where your last wrong deeds wil be forgiven and forgotten is if you are a celeberity. Classic example will be of Zidane’s which we saw in the last soccer world cup. Like everyone used to know Zinedine Zidane as a cool, sober sports person who seldom loses his temper but the act what he did in the world cup final not only proved him wrong but also in one sense cost France the world cup. But still this all will be forgotten and Zidane will remain an idol for lot of people. In fact that headbutt made Zidane more of a hero but as France lost, a tragic hero, but a hero none-the-less.

February 6, 2007

I do not know what’s happening to me. I cant talk to people about anything, because i have nothing to talk about. There is nothing happening in my life, that i can share with my friends. But everyone who talks to me says that it seems like i am not in the mood to talk. But what to say if i have nothing to talk about.

Its been a same routine everyday - gym, breakfast, office, lunch break, again office, dinner, office, home and then bed. Is this what i should talk about with m friends. Same things everyday. I really do not know what to do. My friends are over with my rudeness, my annoyed behaviour and my sharp words.

My biggest shock was today when one of my nearest friends told me that i seriously have gone crazy and i must visit a doctor. I dont know what was the cause of this opinion of him for me. But after a long contemplation i found out that yes, may be he was right. I m going crazier day by day and its not just the same boring routine that’s causing this. There is something deep inside of me that leaves me frustrated. What have i got in life? What all i have earned in this life? Absolutely Nothing.

I feel like trapped in this world. I can not do the things that i want to do and those things that i really dont want to , i have to do them. I am trapped within the responsibilities that i have. Its not like i dont want to fulfill my responsibilities, but there are other things also that i want to do, but i dont know how and when i will do them.

I feel like i am lost, i feel like i can never be found, i feel like there is nothing for me around. I dont even know what exactly i feel and this again leaves me frustrated. I am frustrated with this frustration that i have. This frustration makes me insane. I really dont know what to do, but will i ever?