.: I am :.


    The very first thing you will notice about me is that i am a FREAK. I am the person who just hates eveything and everyone around. The only thing i love is HATRED. I just love to HATE and to be HATED.

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    Bones and blood lie on the ground, Rotten limbs lie dead, Decapitated bodies found On my wall, your head!
    Modulistic terror, A vast sadistic feast, No emotion, Your flesh is all I need
    You have no choice of life or death My face you will not see, I'll rip your flesh 'till there's no breath, Dismembered destiny, As soon as life has left your corpse. I'll make you part of me

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November 28, 2006

I am in a hospital. My mother is admitted there. But it is me who is dying. It is me who is suffering from an incurable disease. I am sure i will die within a day or two and everyone else is also sure of this.

My mother embraces me. But i push her hand away and yell “don’t touch me, or you will also suffer with the disease i am suffering from”. My sister is also there. She does the same as my mother and i also do the same by pushing her hand away.

Doctors say if i am vaccinated i can live for two more years. But i deny and tell that i dont want this vaccine. Everyone is pressuring me to get vaccinated. But i dont want becuase i am thinkin what is the use of living like this. How can you live when you know that you have to die after a particular period. I tell everyone that i want to die today only. I can not wait for the death to come to me. I can not live counting the days left for me in this world.

Well, this is what i was dreaming today morning. And now when I am well awake i am thinking that its not the matter of just 2 years. Everyone of us know that we have to die one day. Still we are afraid of that feeling. If we have to die some day then why not today? Just because we have some responsibilities on our shoulders, just becuase we are afraid of losing our loved ones? Will the things change if you die today or tomorrow? Will the things change if you are no more here in this world? I dont think anything is going to change. So why not today?



2 Comments

  • Comment by Anonymous — November 28, 2006 @ 2:14 am


    Freaky, everyone has a fixed amount of time left to spend here in this world. Just because we are to die one day doesnt mean that we end our lives today only. Such freaky thoughts are always expected here in this blog, but saying this would be just like giving the comment “One day i’ll be a PM in Infosys, so why not today … ” Things happen when they are scheduled to. I know you’ll say that our death is in our hands, but u just cant end your life anytime .. give it a try ๐Ÿ™‚

    You have a hundred strings attached to your life … you cant just break them and set yourself free. You are here for a purpose.

    Talking about responsibilities, imagine if your father would have thought like this … “I have to die one day, why no today?” What would have happened to you? You wouldnt even be writing this blog … No problem is so big that it cant be solved. No sorrow is so deep that it cant be overcome. Its all in the mind .. AND YOU KNOW THAT.

    Choice is yours … either live a full life and die once or keep running away from everything & die daily. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Death is certain … everyone knows that. But lets not simple wait for the rendezvous … Read the mail i sent you today morning.

    – pApA r0ACh


  • Comment by Vani — November 28, 2006 @ 4:03 pm


    everything changed with the loss of an important relation, you noe that n i don want it to explain….

    many peoples r there who live thier lives so miserably; few people live thier lives for others,few people think that no body loves them but still they live ‘coz they love those who (they think) dont love them..(i hope u r getting my piont that to whom im reffering to)… they could end up thier lives a long time ago but didnt.. thats the life bro.. u luv soooo many people around u, if u don wanna live, if u don understand that why r u here in this world, i mean it could b any reason by which u don wanna live but stillll u just cant end up ur life like this.. there may b persons who r living only for u.. and believe me u ‘cannot’ leave them behind u..

    live ‘coz we have to live… n try to live more happily as ever.. thats what i believe in….
    you shudnt think that i wanna die today itself if some day i got to die… if u don wanna live for urself then try to live for those who loves you… thats my fundaa..

    take care…


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